Planning a major blowout to mark the end of the global pandemic? In this case, just because you can absolutely means that you should.

Post-COVID party planning is actually a thing now. Much like begrudgingly working out with your girlfriend and drinking beer at noon, the novel coronavirus has got us all functioning pretty well outside of normal. But, as with any global catastrophe, people are looking for a shred of hope, and making all the plans they can for when lockdown is finally over.

Sure, getting your friends together for a barbecue or a pint is a decent way to celebrate, but we’ve got something a bit bigger in mind. Something that puts the EPIC back in epidemic. We spoke to the party gurus at Secret Desires, one of the best escorts directories in the US, to get the tea on exactly how to plan the ultimate Apocalypse party. They did not disappoint. Because, who knows how to plan this type of party better than escorts? They know where to go, who to invite, and above all, how to truly celebrate the end of social distancing and embrace your humanity. Now snuggle in nice and close, because you’re going to want to see this.

Know Your Audience

“The biggest thing we do at Secret Desires is make things easy for prospective clients” the minds behind the site say. Which is wildly important when you’re planning a party- with or without escorts. Get an idea of who you’d like to invite and how each guest will interact with one another. It doesn’t need to be an echo chamber of your Frat Bros, but maybe leave your conservative aunt and ultra liberal hippy friends for another soirée.

Once you’ve thrown together the golden guest list, consider what types of things each person would be into. What might push their boundaries enough for a laugh, but not so much as to break them and create a scene. Always consider the appropriate “social lubricants”- think booze, girls, and…. food. Would your party favors of choice blend well with your guest list and vice-versa? Perfect. We’re off to a great start.

Go Outside

There are few parties in our lifetimes that will ever compete with a really great house party. This is largely because fewer rules apply. All the important ones are still there, but if your buddy gets naked and pees in the backyard, no one is calling the cops, and you’re not going to get the 86 brand from your local. There’s also less of a possibility you’ll run into anyone you might offend or know, keeping the drama down to a minimum. If you don’t have a massive venue, consider someone who does- or possibly even renting one out.

Many recreational sites have been closed during normally busy periods, meaning that you might be able to snag a deal for when they finally open back up. Possibly renting out the entire site for a reduced fee for a night or two. Call it a family reunion- these people are obviously family and it’s been a while since you’ve gotten to hang out, right? “The family card works almost every time. I can’t even count the amount of times I’ve had to play ‘sister’ or ‘cousin’ when caught in a jam in public” says one of the escorts who gave her time to meet our desires (namely, help with planning a party).

Eat, Drink, Be Merry

Always make sure that if you’ve got booze, you’ve got food- and also car keys. The other massive perk about making it a house party is that no one needs to drive anywhere. Keeping everyone safe and sound. Food should be a mix of items that are ideal for snacking and for full on eating. While it’s nice to have a decent meal, not everyone wants to spend the entire evening cooking.

“Consider a potluck style party. Where everyone brings a little bit of something. That way the food is already prepared and good to go, and people have essentially paid for their part of it.” Very democratic thinking Mr. Desires. We like where your head’s at. Ultimately, you want to focus on getting people together in a relaxed and fun setting, where they can use their time to reconnect and chill – no responsibilities or requirements.

Everyone Loves a Good Game

Because good conversation can only take large groups so far, our lovely escorts suggest party games. “Games are great at getting people to lower their inhibitions and be able to just let go for a bit. Especially if you’re in a bigger group.” One lovely lady tells us. There are a number of great drinking games to play, but revisiting BBQ classics is a must. Lawn games, like cornhole, beer pong, and ladder ball never go amiss, as they keep people engaged and offer some fun teamwork scenarios. We’ll call it “bonding”.

Other games like “F@ck, Mary, Kill”, “Two Truths and a Lie” and even “Truth or Dare” are decent adult throwbacks to a simpler time. Games like “Head’s Up” or “Who Am I” for great for engaging medium sized groups all at once. It may sound corny, but games are an awesome way to keep party goers occupied and interacting.

Get the Music Right

“Music will set a mood. It’s so important to have the right playlist- filled with songs that will pump people up, settle them down, and maybe even make them a bit sentimental.” Says one of our favorite escorts who shall not be named (her choice, not ours). A good sound system is the pea to the carrots of the best parties imaginable. To really host the best post-quarantine rager, you’ll need a solid set list.

Almost all of us have that friend who used to DJ- get them in on it! If not, feel no shame about throwing together a Spotify playlist. Have guests send in three of their favorite songs along with their RSVP. Toss on the radio- whatever it is, whatever tools you have at your disposal, use them. Music is the key to being able to orchestrate your party, and encourage your friends to let loose and have a great time. Because after all these months at home. Alone. Possibly with children- everyone is going to want an excellent way to celebrate.